Archive for October, 2012

I just cried.

Oct 09 2012 Published by under Ramble On,The Kids Are Alright

Actual tears.

In my car.

While sitting in my driveway.

Stupid WDST had to play stupid John Lennon’s stupid “Beautiful Boy”.

Stupid radio.

That’s a song I used to sing to my beautiful boy while I rocked him to sleep.  I sang to him all the time – mostly Beatles and Grateful Dead – with the occasional Metallica mixed in for good measure.   But it was “Beautiful Boy” that I kept returning to, night after night.

So why then, you might ask, would I actually cry about it now?  A grown man of 46 years crying about a song he sung to his son 17 years ago?  Come on man!  Buck up!

Well, I guess because I was taken back there – to 1995 – with everything still in front of us.  I remember sitting and wondering how things would go over the next year, two, 10, 20?  Would he be an athlete?  Would we have a great relationship?  Would he be gay or straight?  Would he have health issues?  Would he do drugs and make our lives hell?  Would he have brothers?  Sisters?  Cousins?  Would he be smart and go to college?  Would he be a lady killer?  (duh)

Would I always be there to protect him?  Provide for him?  Could I be half the father that mine was to me?  (still working on that one)

And after wondering all those things, before I put him in his crib, I would whisper in his ear: “There’s nothing you can do, ever, to make me stop loving you.  Nothing. Ever.”

I wonder now if he realizes that is still true?

After the struggles of his early teenage years, and the battle to pull him off the wrong path he certainly found himself on.  There were battles – TONS of battles.  And there are wounds.  Was I too tough?  Could I have handled things differently?  Should I have?  Would it still have worked and spared us the scars and wounds?

Recently Brady has taken on a couple jobs that put him in front of a lot of people in this town.  People I know well, and some I only know a little.  Over the past several months I have had many, and I mean many, people come to me, out of the blue, to tell me what an incredible young man he is.  His work ethic.  His visible happy, well adjusted attitude.  His smashing good looks, sense of humor, intelligence and kindness.  I of course only take credit for the smashing good looks ;)

Is he the man he has become because of me, or in spite of me, as I suspect?

There are several lines in the song that kill me.  Lennon was a genius of a lyricist – it’s such a simple song that hits pretty hard, I would imagine, to any father of a son.  But the line that just rips my heart out is “life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans”.  It’s so true – and I need to focus on the life part, while still making those plans.  Seventeen years goes by like THAT!

Here are the lyrics – written by Lennon for his son Sean.  You’ll notice I changed the last line when I sung:

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster’s gone
He’s on the run and your daddy’s here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It’s getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we’ll both just have to be patient
‘Cause it’s a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it’s a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you’re busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It’s getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Brady

 

 

Brady – if you’re reading this – go clean your room.

 

 

Me at 18 and Brady at 15:

 

here’s the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt3IOdDE5iA

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